Finding JOY in the JOURNEY...: BEWARE: Hormonal emotional post ahead...

March 28, 2010

BEWARE: Hormonal emotional post ahead...

Have you ever just felt like a HORRIBLE PERSON...well today I DO!!! I havent been sleeping very well for the last few weeks. I either stay up until 5am and then sleep until noon OR go to bed at 9pm and wake up at 3am. I have been having stomach pains and just not feeling well. So yesterday I spent a lot of my day preparing for my Young Women’s Lesson. I had made a cute handout and had bought a pan of homemade orange rolls for their special treat and was really looking forward to the day ahead. I had also made a really good handout for my Sisters I Visit Teach and had treats for them too. I was really looking forward to Sunday. So I finally got to bed around 1am after doing some laundry and set my alarm for 6:45am. I was up all night with some kind of stomach bug (I will spare you the details) but fell into a deep sleep and woke up to a church CD playing and the sound of Lee in the shower. I thought, hmm he’s up early and got up to look at the time and it was 10:05am!!!!!!!!!!!! I somehow slept through my alarm, missed Sacrament and Sunday school and was 5 minutes into Young Women. I quickly called Serena (the 2nd Counselor) and she assured me that she was there and it was ok. But I felt TERRIBLE. I went into the bathroom and asked Lee why he didn’t wake me up. He replied, "Wake you up for what?" I was like um CHURCH and he says, "Oh, its Sunday???" (This response is a whole different venting session) At that point I just started to sob. I don’t know why it hit me so hard but I felt like dirt:-( He peeked around the curtain and says "Are you crying...WHY ARE YOU CRYING?” Through sobs I blurted out, "I...feel...like...a bad person" an then the waterworks really started. He looked at me bewildered and said, "Honey its ok, you just made a mistake..its not a big deal". I calmed down a little and thought WHY AM I OVERREACTING...it’s not like I committed a major crime, I just overslept. But I couldn’t shake this overwhelming feeling of sadness and an ache in my heart for another hour or so. As I was trying to drink some 7up and contact my VT Companion to tell her that I couldn’t make it for our appointments, it suddenly dawned on me why I felt this way. I LET MYSLEF DOWN…I DONT MAKE MISTAKES, IM THE RESPONSIBLE ONE!!! I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous. I know that I am far from perfect and make mistakes all the time but I am one of those people that I always take care of my responsibilities...I always am on top of my game and I very rarely let people down. I’m the person you call when you need something done RIGHT and I’m the person who you can always call when you’re in a bind and need some help. What’s that term…PINCH HITTER? Well I USED to be that person. In the last year or so life has gotten so complicated that I kind of feel like I’m drowning. I try to DO so many things and BE so many different things that it’s overwhelming me and making me feel like WHAT AM I GOOD FOR NOW??????? Why do I have this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy? Is this hormonal? Is this a WOMAN ONLY issue or am the only person who feels this way? Why is it I can be forgiving of everyone else in the world and be so understanding of them but cant apply that to myself? I will stop whining now:-P But I would love to know what others think and feel about this!!!

2 comments:

Emerson Experiment said...: Awwww Meebs! If I could reach through the computer and give you a kiss and hug...here goes: X and OOOOOOOOOO!!! Its okay, we all have those days, really I have too! Hang in there! Ur wonderful!; 9:52 PM
Andrea said...: Having my kids sick for 5 strait months made me feel the same way. I went from being someone you could always count on to someone who you could never rely on. I felt horrible all the time. But, it gets better! you will be back to normal in no time. but I learned not to say yes to everything - after all a girl can only spread herself so far;)

p.s. Jeremy always tells me that we would be good friends if we knew each other and reading this post makes me wish I was there to help you. although I would most likely need your help more often than you would need mine.; 3:52 PM

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Once upon a time...

Mibi grew up in Laie and attended Kahuku High and Lee grew up in Haleiwa and Mililani and attended Mililani High. Mibi went to College at BYU-Hawaii and then served a mission in the Utah Ogden Mission before meeting the man of her dreams. After school, Lee jumped into the workforce looking for his career and eventually ended up working for Mibi's family flower shop at Turtle Bay while Mibi was serving her mission...and never thought that this job would lead him to his "Angel". We met in Septmeber of 2001 after I returned home from my mission. I came back to the flower shop to manage things for my Mom and Lee had left to pursue his education. Well a few months later, Lee's education path didn't take the direction he had hoped and instead life lead him back to Turtle Bay. The first thing he did was call Mom to get his job back and of course she said YES. So, I was Lee's boss and there was an instant friendship...it felt as if we had known each other our entire lives. We kept it strictly business for a few weeks and then one night I was gong to make a Wal-Mart run after work and called him to see if he wanted to come along. His phone was busy (the days before call waiting) and I almost gave up...but after a few more tries he picked up and from that night on we were inseperable. I think we told each other our life stories that night and we both knew then that our lives would never be the same! Over the next year, we formed a deep love and respect for each other which kept us connected through a few rough patches and across the ocean as Mibi moved back to Utah. Finally after a year of being best friends, we both realized that there is no one on earth we would rather be with than each other! We were a couple for about two years when Lee proposed to me and we tied the knot at the exact place we first met...the same hotel the flower shop was located when we worked there...TURTLE BAY. And to add to our JOY, we have a beautiful daughter Savannah (Lee's biological and Mibi's spiritual daughter ) who we just ADORE! She is so smart, funny, outgoing, a jabberbox like her Dad and just the cutest thing you have ever seen!!! We also are praying that we can give her a little brother or sister sometime in the next year or two!!! Until then we have a Doberman (Kayla) and a cat (Shadow) that we spoil rotten and of course all of our Nieces and Nephew's. It has been almost 8 years of wedded bliss and although we have had our ups and downs, each experience has made us grow more in love with each other and are still each others best friend!