Finding JOY in the JOURNEY...: Getting even...

September 16, 2011

Getting even...

I saw a great quote on Facebook today...it read

The best way to get EVEN is to FORGET!

It almost shocked me how much this quote resonated with me! Now, I'm not the type to "get even" with people...but I am the type to dwell too long on things that others have done to hurt or offend me. When my husband would get upset at someone and want to "get even", I used to tell him, "Their life is their punishment"...meaning that obviously their life is so miserable that they feel the need to make others lives miserable. But of course, easier said than done. I am a very loving and helpful person and sometimes allow people to take advantage of my kind heart. But usually, the people I have helped have always been grateful and became better people form the experience. I have never had an experience when someone would take my help with no appreciation or consideration for me and the efforts I put into the relationship...until recently. I was really hurt by a so called "friend" who said I was closer to her than her own family. But when I started asking for some consideration and help in return, I quickly turned into the villain and was disrespected and hurt very deeply. I was lucky enough to have my Husband, family and great friends to help me through this trial and learn how to cut this person out of my life and not respond to her "bait", as she continued to threaten and try to goad me into a fight. I have finally gotten to a place that I don't miss her or regret anything that I said or did. I have set very strong boundaries and am sticking to them and life is much more peaceful and positive now. But there is this lingering feeling of anger I have over the whole situation and for the first time in my life, I feel an overwhelming desire to hurt her as much as she hurt me. This is so foreign to me and I'm really not sure what to do about it. I think the reason this is so powerful is because I can't just erase this person from my life and forget she ever existed, as we are connected in a way that we will have to be associated for life. So this has been eating at me for months now and I just knew that I had to truly try to forgive and FORGET. So I went to the temple and prayed for a long time...and it became SO CLEAR as I read D&C 121-122. In these sections, the Lord counsels Joseph Smith to not worry about his "foes" and to remain true to the gospel and let the Lord deal with them. I can't put into proper words what I FELT and KNEW in that moment but the result is that I need to truly let it all go. It s not my place to punish, correct or repair this person. My job is to live my life as the Lord commands and trust that an injustice or hurt cause me will be dealt with in His way and time. I felt the first TRUE relief in months as the spirit washed over me and I was able to finally feel peace regarding the situation. I'm not perfect, so I catch myself thinking about certain incidents or events tied to this situation, but I no longer have that anger and pain I used to. now I just feel sad for this person. Now, this doesn't mean that the Lord wants me to make the same mistakes and allow myself to enable this person but to forgive, show compassion and have charity for her. And if i do this, I will be at peace...and be able to focus my energies on things that truly MATTER. I am so grateful for the temple and for the opportunity I have to go to a place where I can get answers to my prayers and find peace in such a chaotic world. I just felt like I should share this today and hopeful it will ring true with some of you who are holding on to old pain/anger too!

1 comment:

Emerson Experiment said...: Thank you for that....I'm still a little bitter about some stuff as you well know but I hope to be in that place of forgiveness as you. You always have great advice. Love you Meebs!

I vote we start a "Dear Mibi" column in the Star Advertiser ;D; 10:01 PM

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Once upon a time...

Mibi grew up in Laie and attended Kahuku High and Lee grew up in Haleiwa and Mililani and attended Mililani High. Mibi went to College at BYU-Hawaii and then served a mission in the Utah Ogden Mission before meeting the man of her dreams. After school, Lee jumped into the workforce looking for his career and eventually ended up working for Mibi's family flower shop at Turtle Bay while Mibi was serving her mission...and never thought that this job would lead him to his "Angel". We met in Septmeber of 2001 after I returned home from my mission. I came back to the flower shop to manage things for my Mom and Lee had left to pursue his education. Well a few months later, Lee's education path didn't take the direction he had hoped and instead life lead him back to Turtle Bay. The first thing he did was call Mom to get his job back and of course she said YES. So, I was Lee's boss and there was an instant friendship...it felt as if we had known each other our entire lives. We kept it strictly business for a few weeks and then one night I was gong to make a Wal-Mart run after work and called him to see if he wanted to come along. His phone was busy (the days before call waiting) and I almost gave up...but after a few more tries he picked up and from that night on we were inseperable. I think we told each other our life stories that night and we both knew then that our lives would never be the same! Over the next year, we formed a deep love and respect for each other which kept us connected through a few rough patches and across the ocean as Mibi moved back to Utah. Finally after a year of being best friends, we both realized that there is no one on earth we would rather be with than each other! We were a couple for about two years when Lee proposed to me and we tied the knot at the exact place we first met...the same hotel the flower shop was located when we worked there...TURTLE BAY. And to add to our JOY, we have a beautiful daughter Savannah (Lee's biological and Mibi's spiritual daughter ) who we just ADORE! She is so smart, funny, outgoing, a jabberbox like her Dad and just the cutest thing you have ever seen!!! We also are praying that we can give her a little brother or sister sometime in the next year or two!!! Until then we have a Doberman (Kayla) and a cat (Shadow) that we spoil rotten and of course all of our Nieces and Nephew's. It has been almost 8 years of wedded bliss and although we have had our ups and downs, each experience has made us grow more in love with each other and are still each others best friend!